My Zombie Puppet-master

My body is being run by a miniature tyrant. Who decides when I go to the bathroom? Evie. Who decides when I eat or drink? Evie. Who decides when I get up? Evie. In fact, she accomplishes the last two pretty much simultaneously. When I first started feeling her little flutters of movement, I thought it was so cute. Then one day, I was awakened by a strong kick followed immediately by my stomach growling. Todd and I thought it was hilarious. Now, though, after another 5 months of practice, Evie has elevated this little maneuver into a high art. She has also perfected the art of punching my bladder and sending me running for the bathroom. I think she has a slightly warped sense of humor, which I can only blame on myself. Of course now she thinks it's funny to also punch my bladder at the same time as my stomach, sending my poor sleepy body into a fog of confusion: what does she want first?! Just this morning at 8:00, we were at the doctor's office (again) and she was still asleep. Then, halfway through the appointment, she woke up and stretched, effectively kicking my ribs in the process, and then elbowed my stomach to make it growl. From what I gathered from Todd, my whole belly gave a huge jerk to one side, which was funny to watch. I think she tried to punch my bladder too, but the joke was on her because I'd already emptied my bladder, so that particular move had no effect. Haha, Baby! We got home at 9:30 and I was tired, because I usually don't get up until 10:30, so I went back to bed. My little puppet-master was not amused. She kept kicking up under my ribs, saying very clearly, "Mommy, I'm awake now, so you can't go back to sleep! Mommy, I'm hungry and you still haven't fed me! Mommy, why aren't you listening to me?!" After it was clear that I was determined to sleep, though, she subsided and just sulked instead. I was able to get another 45 minutes of rest, which did me a world of good (the slight headache went away) and then I woke up to the delicious smell of waffles.

Speaking of food, though, it has become increasingly apparent lately that my daughter is not only a tyrant, but she is also a zombie. After all, zombies are the only creatures I know of that eat the brains of other creatures. I'm pretty sure that a scan of my brain would show it looking like Swiss cheese. She eats whole chunks of information at a time! For example, she ate part of my optic nerve once. We were in the grocery store and I was looking for half-gallons of 2% milk. I could not find them anywhere! I looked closely at each shelf as I walked down the aisle. Then, I turned around, and there they suddenly were! Right where I had been looking! I keep telling Todd that it is clearly not doing me any good whatsoever to still be attending college; it's not like I'm retaining anything I learn! Everything gets passed directly to the munchkin. The man has no sympathy, though. He just shrugs and says, "Well then, just think how smart our baby is getting." No amount of grumbling about how she can go to college for herself works either. I'm starting to think my little tyrant-baby comes by it honestly. ;) In all seriousness, though, Todd has been great. He rubs my back and gets me water. He makes me waffles and only laughs a little bit when I have a blonde (read: brain-being-eaten) moment. He's such a fantastic husband, and is going to be a fabulous daddy. He's getting so excited. Although, he wants it known that he's been excited the whole time; it's just registering on the "Jess Scale" now. So I guess it's more accurate to say that he's getting so much more excited now that the time is getting closer. He and Evie are even getting private father-daughter time now. One morning, I woke up to little flutters on both sides of my skin as Todd and Evie played together. It was so cute that I just lay there with my eyes closed and pretended to still be asleep so that I wouldn't interrupt. Finally, Todd kissed me "awake" so we could have breakfast, and there was a joy shining in his eyes. I packed my bags last night and made sure to grab both cameras so I can get a picture of Todd holding his daughter for the first time. It is going to be beautiful.