Snowfall

 It snowed today. Ordinarily, I don't like snow, but today was special because it was Elizabeth's 1st snow. So I bundled the girls up and took them outside to play for a little while. Unfortunately, their outfits were sort of piecemeal and so I had to substitute in some of their daddy's outerwear. So Evie is wearing her daddy's scarf:

 And Elizabeth is wearing her daddy's hat:

They look a little silly. :) But they both had fun in the snow...for the 10 whole minutes we were out there. Then the snow leaked through Evie's snowsuit footies (because they wouldn't fit in her boots) and she got cold and wet and wanted to come back in. But we did manage to make a mini snowman! And the girls were super cute, in an oversized-accessory kind of way, so it was all worth it.

Music in Her Heart

Well, we took Evie to her 18-month check-up today. She's a perfectly healthy and happy little girl, very advanced in her verbal skills. But after listening to her heart, our doctor told us that she has a Still's murmur, a benign flutter in her heart that should go away as she grows. Afterward, I told Evie, "It's okay. It just means you have a little music in your hear, that's all!" And she does! This child sings and dances all day long. She loves making music, or "meek" as she calls it, by plunking on the piano keys or banging on pipes; in fact, here's a little video of her "playing" her daddy's trombone!

Someday, when she's older, she's probably going to want to pursue her love of music, and Todd and I are prepared to support her no matter what she chooses to do, whether it be to sing, to play an instrument (Todd's hoping she'll follow his footsteps with the trombone!), or to dance. Regardless, I know she'll always have a little music in her heart, even after the murmur goes away!

Goodies for Boobies

I did it! I've managed to nurse Elizabeth exclusively for 3 whole months! I'm especially proud of myself after the whole debacle with Evie, and my goal is to nurse Elizabeth exclusively until she's 6 months before introducing her to solids. I must say, though, that I'm a big fan of some amazing products that make the whole experience just a little easier.

First of all, my trusty breast-pump that I received from WIC while in Utah. This thing is helping me keep my supply up and store several ounces of milk in the freezer.

Next, something to store the milk in. Honestly, I'm not super thrilled about these bags because they seem to keep bursting, but they're what I have. And, I currently have over 25 ounces of milk stored in these freezer bags!

I had this nipple butter left over from my attempts with Evie. It smells vaguely of raisins, but it does the job of stopping the pump from rubbing me, and helps prevent cracking and soreness.

This is seriously one of my favorite nursing products ever! Not only do the cups help keep my clothes from rubbing against me when I'm sore, but they also collect the milk that leaks out so I can save it instead of letting it going to waste!

I borrowed Lindsay's Boppy pillow when she came for Elizabeth's blessing and immediately went out to get one of my own. It really helps keep Elizabeth in the right position and tucked in close to me when she nurses.

All together, these items really make nursing lots easier than it would be otherwise!

3 Months--Ella

Today, my tiny girl turned 3 months old! Not so very tiny anymore, I guess. And, as if to celebrate the fact that she's a quarter of a year old, she rolled over for the very first time! I've been getting signals from her that she was pretty close to making it, so I had the camera ready, just in case. Sure enough, I'd barely turned the camera on, when she suddenly rolled onto her back. She was pretty startled, but I was so proud!

Elizabeth is a much quieter baby than Evangeline was at her age. She soaks everything in, but instead of babbling as much as Evie did, she says a lot with her eyes. I love that her eyes are still the same beautiful blue that they were when she was born, but it's taken me this long to get used to them. Todd and Evie both have dark brown eyes, so it's a little disconcerting looking down at Ella while nursing her and seeing these huge bright blue eyes gazing back up at me. She's a beautiful girl, especially when she smiles. Before her baby blessing, I told my mom on the phone that I was getting a little nervous because it seemed that she was taking forever to smile. She told me, "Oh, she's just waiting for her Nonna." Sure enough, on the day of her baby blessing, she smiled at my mom for the very first time. This follows the same pattern that Evie set. While I would love to be the first one that my babies smile at, it's fun that they reserve their first smiles for my mom. I know that she loves it, and I hope that all of my kids follow this sweet tradition.
Once she'd smiled for my mom, she found it easy to smile at everyone, but especially Mommy and Daddy. And she smiles with her whole face; her eyes narrow into sparkly slits, her nose crinkles, and her cheeks practically touch her ears. I've gotten so many comments from ladies at church about what a pretty and happy girl she is. I love it! She just hasn't learned how to smile for the camera yet, so I don't have any proof of these gorgeous smiles, but I'm hopeful that I'll get some cute pictures of her soon. Last week, when she came to stay with me in the hospital, she laughed for the first time! It was a low and quiet little chirp/chuckle combo, but it was a real pleasure for me during an otherwise awful week.
Elizabeth is a much more snuggly person than her sister is, which is both good and bad. I don't have as much time and energy to devote just to her because I have an active toddler to keep track of who also needs my attention. When I put down Elizabeth to deal with Evie, I feel like I'm cheating her of the quality time she craves, which her sister got at this same age just by default. On the other hand, when I have time to snuggle her after her meals, I love feeling her warm little body burrowed into me. I wanted that with Evie, and I was a little sad that Evie was so independent so early. Elizabeth thrives on contact; where Evie would always calm down when I sang "I've Been Working on the Railroad," Ella prefers having her hand held. When I try to sing songs to her to help calm her down, she just looks at me like I'm crazy and keeps crying, but once I take her little hand in mine, she immediately starts winding down. I keep reminding myself that she's not her sister. She's developing on her own timetable, and her personality is her own. I love that little person she's becoming, and I'm grateful I get a front-row seat to watch her grow up. Happy 3 Month-iversary, sweet Ella girl! Mommy loves you!

Recovery

Oh, I'm feeling so much better! Except for a couple of minor hiccups, my surgery went very well.  Despite being offered painkillers several times during my hospital stay, I didn't need them. However, about an hour before my surgery was scheduled, I started getting a migraine, so I asked for some Dilaudid. After about 30 seconds, the world had tilted about 20 degrees to my right, and I kept losing my train of thought. Finally I laughed, and said that I felt like the sultan on Aladdin:

When I was wheeled in to the operating room, I remember saying hello to everyone in the room, and thanking them for being there, and then my memory goes black. The next thing I remember is my doctor leaning over me, telling me that my surgery was a success, and asking how I felt. I told him I was itchy and then I passed out again for what felt to me an hour, but what was probably only 15 seconds. I remember being surprised that he was still there, but he asked if I wanted any Benadryl to help with the itchiness. I said that I didn't want to run up any more of a bill than I already had and passed out again. After probably 3 more mini-naps, I ended up getting the Benadryl, and they finally wheeled me to my recovery room where Todd and Elizabeth were waiting. By this point, my incisions still didn't hurt, but my right shoulder did from where they had pumped me full of air. I was starving, but by the time the food came, I just couldn't eat, so the lady very kindly packed up my food so I could take it home. On the ride to my sister-in-law's to pick up Evie, I fell asleep countless times, making the trip feel like hours. But my incisions were starting to get sore, so when we finally made it home, Todd had to help me climb into bed.
The next day, we were invited to a dinner party, and despite being sore, I was excited to go. Everyone was surprised when we showed up the day after my surgery, but I had a great time. I was thrilled to be able to eat whatever struck my fancy without fear of a debilitating attack! And now, I'm feeling even better. Hooray for no gallbladder, hooray!

Surgery!

Well, it's happening! I had my doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon to discuss what's been going on in my insides. Todd was very wonderful, and took the day off of work to be with me. We made it to my 1:00 appointment on time, but the receptionist apologized and told us that the doctor was running an hour or so behind schedule. Then she asked if we'd mind waiting, and we said that was fine. We wandered around the hospital complex, including the food court. I was starving! I told Todd that all I wanted was a hoagie sandwich, but I still wasn't able to keep anything down. Finally, at about 3:30 or so, we were able to meet with my doctor. We told him everything that had happened and he gave a quick probe of my belly. By this point, though, the agonizing pain had passed and I was only a little sore when he pressed. He said that it definitely sounded like gallstones, and that he would tentatively schedule me for surgery on Thursday, the 27th (tomorrow!). In the meantime, he wanted me to have the lab do some blood-work on me to doubly make sure that my gallbladder was the culprit.
By the time I got out of his office and my blood drawn, it was already 5:30. My first shift back to work after my maternity leave was supposed to start at 6:00, and I was going to be late. It was raining, and traffic was horrible, so I called work to let them know that I hadn't forgotten about coming back, but that I was going to be a little late, and they assured me that I was fine. I dropped Todd off at the house and hurried to work. I arrived at 6:30, and apologized profusely to my boss. I explained that I'd had a doctor's appointment, and that I'd made it early enough that it never occurred to me that it would conflict with coming to work. She told me not to worry, and that she was glad to have me back. She also told me that if I needed to hold off on coming back for another week or so because of my surgery, she would understand and work with me. I told her, no, the recovery time for my surgery was only supposed to be a couple of days, so I'd recover over the weekend, and be better by the time my next shift was scheduled on Tuesday, October 2nd (I'm only working one night a week right now).
At 7:00, I got a phone call from Todd. I'd only been at work for a half-hour, and was surprised to hear from him. He told me that he had just gotten off of the phone with my doctor, who had given him the results from my lab-work. I did indeed have gallstones, but I was also apparently suffering from acute pancreatitis. My lipase/amylase levels were 3000 times--yes, 3 thousand times--what they were supposed to be. Todd said that my doctor had told him that with levels like that, I should be on the floor dying right then. Then he told me that I needed to come home right then, and we were going straight to the hospital. My head was whirling. At first, I was sure that Todd was joking, or that I was hallucinating. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I did both. I hurriedly explained what was happening to my boss, and she told me to hurry safely home. I cried all the way to the house and while I quickly packed my suitcase. Todd and my father-in-law gave me a priesthood blessing, and I kissed my babies goodbye. I was so terrified that I would never see them again. Todd drove through the rainy night while I stared out the window and thought about death.
Then, only minutes from the hospital, I had an epiphany: I wasn't afraid to die. I mean, yes, I was afraid of never seeing my babies again, of not seeing them grow up, of not being able to grow old with Todd, etc. I was afraid of not living, but I wasn't afraid of death itself. I figured, even though I've made my fair share of little mistakes, I'd done all of the major things in my life the way the Lord wanted me to: I married my sweetheart in the temple, we had two beautiful little girls born in the covenant, and we were a forever family. If I needed to die that night, so be it. I can only imagine that the peace that flooded my heart along with this epiphany was a result of the priesthood blessing I'd received.
We pulled into the hospital parking lot, and headed to the emergency room doors. Since it was after hours, they were the only ones that were open, but my doctor had called ahead for us, so we didn't need to check-in in the ER. After another, surprisingly long, wait while my room was readied for me, I was taken up to my room. Todd stayed with me while the doctor explained our plan. He was pretty sure that what had happened was a gallstone had escaped into my bile duct and had gotten jammed into the sphincter that leads to the pancreas, closing it off. With my insanely high pancreatic levels, it wasn't safe to operate on me immediately, so we were going to keep an eye on me until my levels were closer to normal before discussing surgery again. The reason I was going to be in the hospital twiddling my thumbs for several days instead of at home was if my pancreas suddenly flared up even worse, it could be fatal before we could get to the hospital so it was better safe than sorry. He thought that it would probably take a week or so for my levels to drop back down, but he kept my surgery appointment scheduled just in case they drop faster than expected. On that comforting thought, Todd kissed me goodnight, and went home to be with the girls and to get some rest before work the next day.
Needless to say, it was not a fun night, but I got what sleep I could. This morning, I got my blood drawn, and I had an ultrasound done to check my gallbladder for gallstones, and to see if we could find the one that had escaped. We couldn't, but we saw the inflammation where it had been, and my gallbladder was full of the evil little things. I told the technician that I'd never before had an ultrasound for anything except looking at babies, and it was a little odd and sad to not see cute little limbs waving around it there. She just laughed, and agreed that that is the most fun part of her job. Back in my room, I got the results of my blood-work, and the lipase/amylase levels have dropped dramatically! They're now only about 500 times what they're supposed to be! Hooray! The doctor told me that if they keep dropping at this rate, I'll be able to have my surgery tomorrow after all! He thinks that Saturday's hellish episode was probably the peak of the crisis, and that not eating or drinking anything was actually the smartest thing I could have done to minimize the issue. Silver linings, right? I'm just excited at the thought of finally being able to eat something after my surgery, so I really hope it's tomorrow! I'm on an IV, so I'm not going to waste away or anything, but I'm seriously craving a hoagie. In the meantime, I'm waiting for my mother-in-law to bring Elizabeth to see me. Evie is staying with Jenette, but my doctor gave me permission to keep Ella in my room with me! I'm so excited to snuggle her warm little body, and kiss her beautiful face over and over, because it seems that I'm not dying after all!

Gallbladder Issues...Again

They're ba-ack! I had a hunch they would crop up again, and sure enough! Saturday night, I had the worst gallbladder attack of my life, and I haven't been able to keep anything down since. It all started when we went to Steak n Shake for lunch while we were out running errands. Honestly, we weren't too thrilled with the food. Todd ordered the double cheeseburger, but he felt like he was only eating enough meat for a single. So he held his patties up, and we could see daylight through them! Mine wasn't any better. We ordered a s'more flavored shake to share, and it really did taste like fire-roasted marshmallows, but it wasn't my favorite flavor ever.

Evie barely touched her food, but she plastered herself with stickers, so I guess the trip was good for something.

I'd barely finished eating, when I felt some discomfort in my belly. I thought it was just indigestion brought on by whatever chemicals were used to make a shake taste like a campfire, so I ran to the restroom. Unfortunately, it didn't help, and mild pain kept roiling in my midsection. We went home, and I tried to relax, hoping the pain was just my back being sore from the busy day we'd had. I curled up behind Todd and went to sleep as normal. The baby woke up a couple of hours later wanting to be nursed, but when I was done and was putting her back in her cradle, I recognized all the signs of one of my more severe gallbladder attacks coming on, so I rolled my eyes, took a Percocet, and muttered to Todd that I was going up to the bathroom and would be back down soon. As soon as I got up to the bathroom and sat down, though, the pain flared up in earnest. Nothing helped it. Using the bathroom proved fruitless and so did throwing up. My body was racked with a worse agony than any I ever felt through two episodes of childbirth. It was so severe I couldn't even draw a deep breath. I managed to call for Todd, but then I was occupied with rocking back and forth, hunched over on the toilet in a seemingly futile attempt to hold myself together through the waves of agony. By some miracle, Todd heard my weak cry and came up to see what was the matter. He found me shaking uncontrollably from the pain and unable to breathe properly. It was the scariest moment of my life, because I was sure I was dying. He put his hand on my back, and I remember the warmth of that touch radiating through me, and giving me comfort. The pain didn't lessen, but I knew I wasn't alone and that somehow gave me enough strength to hold on for just a little longer. Todd brought me Tylenol and a glass of water, and he made me drink. I drank a little, then turned around and watched it all come back up. He made me drink a little more, and I threw up again. He kept this up and slowly, so slowly, the pain receded until, centuries later, I was able to take a deep breath and see past the red haze clouding my vision. Todd told me to keep sipping the water; he would be right back. When he came back for me, he guided me downstairs and towards the couch, where he had arranged a little nest for me. He had propped my pillow against the arm of the couch so I could remain vertical, which was the most comfortable position I could manage. He wrapped warm blankets around me, and placed the trash can on the floor at my feet. Lastly, he set my glass of water and bottle of Tylenol on the bookcase next to me, kissed my forehead, and went back to bed. I only got about 4 hours of sleep total, and so did Todd. He stayed up for hours with me and did his best to take care of me. He was amazing, and I don't know how I would have survived that night without him.
I had to get up early the next morning so I could attend the first meeting held for my new church calling. Todd asked if I was sure I wanted to go, but I felt much better and wanted to get ready for the day so I could see Evie off on her first day of Nursery. The hostess served us breakfast while we discussed our Relief Society activity plans for the next couple of months. She served us fresh fruit and quiche, which I'd never had. Only minutes after finishing my breakfast, I had to excuse myself to her bathroom so I could throw up all of the food she'd just given me. I felt terrible and was afraid of offending her, but she smiled and said she understood. She also gave me a small glass of Squirt to help calm my queasy belly. I had to leave the meeting a little early so I could go home and nurse the baby before church, but I told the ladies I'd see them later that morning. By the time I got to church at 11:30, my insides were decidedly achy. I could not get comfortable, no matter how I sat on the bench. I sent Evie to Nursery, then Todd and I sat out on the comfy couch in the foyer during Sunday School. I finally got up to go to Relief Society, and Todd took the baby with him to Priesthood meeting. We came home after church, and I lounged miserably on the couch. Nothing sounded good for dinner, and when Todd made me eat something so Elizabeth would get enough nutrients in her milk, it promptly came back up. Last night, I didn't have another attack, which I was half expecting, but I didn't sleep well either. Today, I ate a graham cracker square and a drink of water, and my insides immediately started hurting, and didn't stop for several hours until I can only assume it finally passed into the intestines past the reach of my gallbladder. I can't seem to keep anything down without excruciating pain except for water, so I called Todd at work and told him what was going on, and asked if I should make an appointment with a doctor. He said yes, so I'm going to see Dr. Knudtson tomorrow! We were already planning on getting this taken care of around January, once we had all of the medical bills paid off from having Ella. To that end, we'd told my OB/GYN about my gallbladder issues after Evie was born and mentioned that we were concerned they might recur once Ella was born, and he'd given us a card for a general surgeon that he recommended. That doctor was actually on leave when I called because his wife had just had a baby, but his colleague had an opening for 1:00 tomorrow afternoon. We have to drive to the other side of Denver for this appointment, but I left enough time that we should be able to get back by 6:00 in time for my first day back to work post-baby! Hopefully, we can figure out exactly what is going on, and can get this taken care of once and for all this week sometime (I'm hoping for tomorrow, but I'm not convinced it'll happen that soon). Wish me luck!