Crisis Averted

In about 6 weeks, our little girl is scheduled to grace us with her presence. Which means, of course, that she could pretty much show up anytime she feels like it. The thought had me panicked all last week. Our prenatal class, which is supposed to help educate us on what to expect for birth, just made matters worse. They cover everything that could possibly go wrong, just so you're prepared if something does, and I freaked out. What if she was breech? What if she came too early? What if I couldn't get an epidural? What if I tore really badly? What if she had to be delivered C-section? What if I was incapable of nursing? The horrors of birth aside, what if I couldn't take proper care of my baby? What if I had postpartum depression? What if we couldn't get any of the necessary baby gear? What if I turned out to be a horrible mother? WHAT IF I TURNED OUT TO BE A HORRIBLE MOTHER??? I felt like I was standing on a cliff with a man behind me holding a gun to the small of my back, and it was suddenly so real to me. This isn't just a happy, theoretical daydream about cute babies; it's REAL! I HAVE to give birth. I HAVE to be ready to be a mom. I HAVE to be able to take care of my little girl. There were several nights of panic and hyperventilation and crying into my sweetheart's shoulder about how I felt so inadequate and just plain scared and what was I thinking?? It didn't help that at the prenatal class that week, we watched the birthing videos and holy cow! I'm getting an epidural as soon as I walk in the hospital doors because I'm not doing that without some serious medication.

Todd was very sweet and supportive. He rubbed my back and kissed me gently on the forehead. And you know what? I'm fine. He kept reminding me that this pregnancy has gone really well so far, so why should I expect everything to go badly during the birth? Also, no matter what ends up happening, within 24 hours it will all be over and we'll have our little girl in our arms. And it's true: my body has just naturally taken control during the past 8 months and steered us clear of any real trouble. It's kind of fascinating to see my new body and feel how things just sort of shifted around and stretched out (without any stretch marks!) to make room for this new person. Now, my breasts are even starting to leak a little fluid, which I'm taking as a very good sign that I'll be able to nurse my babies like I want to. Like Todd keeps telling me, my body was made to take good care of my children and I can trust it to see me safely through birth. As for after she comes, my mom is coming to stay with us for several days and I'll always have Todd.

We had a doctor's appointment on Thursday, and according to the doctor I'm "Golden." Everything (weight, blood pressure, blood sugar, etc.) looks fantastic, and the doctor had no trouble feeling how Evie was situated. He immediately felt her head down between my hips, her little bottom on the left side of my abdomen, and her feet up under my right ribs. That's mostly where I've been feeling her move lately, and she's even deigned to play with her daddy a few times when he tickles her feet. She's already poised for birth, and the doctor assured us that it's highly unlikely that she'll shift around into a breech position. So that's one more worry off of my mind. I'm not panicking anymore--I'm calm and looking forward to the miracle of motherhood!